


Puzzle

by merr



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M, No Dialogue, Robyn - Get Myself Together, S2E4: Gamekeeper, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2013-09-10
Packaged: 2017-12-26 04:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merr/pseuds/merr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has pieces that don't seem to fit. <a href="http://endlessvideo.com/watch?v=gYEO3Zzqhp4">Robyn - Get Myself Together</a> Set (loosely) after S2E4: Gamekeeper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Puzzle

_It's all over, like steps in the first snow  
Something's been building up and it's gonna blow_

Jack stood on his back porch, watching the huge feather-snow dive toward the ground like a million tiny Icaruses, long lost in thought. He tucked his other hand in his pajama pants pocket, taking a sip of the black liquid that mirrored both the color of his eyes and his mood.

_My momma called me last night, she said when nothing else fits  
Pick up the pieces and move on_

Daniel scrubbed his face with both hands, a third cup of coffee steaming on the table in front of him, his cerulean eyes dull with anxious thoughts. His mother's voice kept flashing in his head and Daniel was torn between wishing it would disappear and a deep, unfathomable ache for it to go on and on, making up for lost time.

_I see the flashing red lights, just can't make sense of the bits  
It's like my mind is gone_

Walking up the ramp to the stargate, Jack and Daniel were already off Earth without even touching the wormhole. The mission, a routine checkup on an allied world, offered little in the way of distraction from their ghosts.

_I've got to get my head back on_  
_I've got to get myself together_  
_When this hurt is gone, I've got to get_  
_Myself together_

Jack was more sarcastic, Daniel more sensitive and they were at each other's throats more than normal. When Sam asked the Colonel what was wrong, he snapped at her not to worry about it and Daniel snapped back that Jack should be happy Carter took the time and energy to check on him. Jack's black flashing glare set Daniel off and the two were a split second from jumping at one another until Teal'c stepped between them, his expression calm but kind, reminding them that they were comrades and the hostility was not necessary.

Both Jack and Daniel looked away, pulses jumping out of control even though the men were mollified.

_Can't tell what's right or wrong_  
_I wish that something could be done, I'm not that clever_  
_When this hurt is gone, I've got to get myself together_

Jack was whaling on the rec room punching bag, sweat pouring down his face and chest, trying with each blow to break apart the parts of him that had been laid bare by the gamemaster's simulations. Despite what he knew, he couldn't help but feel responsible all over again -- and the feeling made him doubt his ability to protect SG1, which drove him wild.

He loved his entire team, dearly, differently... even _he_ wasn't stubborn enough to keep pretending that wasn't true. He paused for a second, swiping his forearm across his brow and when he could see again, Daniel was standing at the other end of the fitness facility, fiddling with his mp3 player as he geared up for a run.

_Can't stand to see you upset but you already know  
The more close it gets, the less I wanna go_

Daniel glanced at Jack as he passed on his first lap, jogging to warm up and wincing at the way the silver haired man pummeled the punching bag, the muscles in his arms standing out with each blow. His heart ached. Over the past week, it had ached for himself, for the sound of his parents' death on loop in his head, for all the missed opportunity and memories... but in this moment, more than usual and almost knocking the breath from the brunette, his heart ached for Jack.

They'd all been there at the briefing, he had heard the cracks in Jack's voice -- he had hugged Jack outside the meeting room, trying to keep it short, trying to keep it professional and failed miserably when the older man grunted something close to a sob. Daniel had kissed him then, grabbed his head and held it, tears pricking at his eyes, trying to pour all of his compassion into the action. Jack didn't pull back right away but when he did, his eyes were flat, inscrutable. The colonel turned on his heel and showed no sign of hearing Daniel's choked apology.

The archeologist ducked his head and put on a burst of speed, trying his damnedest to outrun the hurricane of emotions welling up in him. So many things he longed for personally were impossible but his professional life was filled with so many amazing things that _were_ possible... Daniel ran, ran for all he was worth, trying to fill that divide with burning lungs and adrenaline.

_I saw my brother last night -- he said: I know you too well,  
You can't pretend that nothing's wrong_

Both Samantha and Teal'c noticed that Daniel'd had a few more beers than usual that night. They met every couple weeks to unwind in public, giving normal citizenhood a shot -- and Daniel was usually chattery over the greasy barfood, heckling his teammates while they played darts. Tonight, he was quiet, nodding in all the right places but clearly drunker than they'd ever seen him.

As Sam walked cash and cards up to the bar to settle their tab, Teal'c cornered Daniel with his gaze, bluntly asking him what was driving him to distraction. Daniel, knowing better than to lie to Teal'c and too intoxicated to play coy, just shook his head and laughed miserably.

_I see the fuse that ignites, like I'm outside of myself  
It's like my mind is gone_

Jack was picking at his bruised knuckles, a few beers past a reasonable state as well. He couldn't stop the memories chasing circles around one another in his head, the feel of Daniel's mouth against his own the loudest dog in the pack. He clenched his jaw, taking a swig of his beer and opening the back porch door with the intent of cooling off, hoping the winter air would sober him a bit. His amygdala had different ideas, however, and he whipped the beer bottle at the nearest tree, shards of glass and beer suds shattering in all directions. The porch door slammed behind him.

_My daddy pulled me aside like when I was a child  
He said: I trust you to decide on what you know is right_

Jack tossed in his bed the next night, replaying over and over in his head the look on Daniel's face as their gazes met across the bustling mess hall earlier that day, both of them sporting dark circles under their eyes. The blue points pierced him and wouldn't let go, chin tipping up slightly, Daniel's mouth an unreadable line. Captain Carter piped up to his left, handing him a stack of papers covered in words and schematics; by the time Jack looked up again, Daniel was gone.

Jack had managed to fall asleep, late in the night, the deep silence of snow giving way to his father's voice, his father's hand, gripping his teenage shoulder and pointing out across the Mississippi at two great herons, stalking between cattails. The herons paused, heads jerking and took off at the sound of gunshots, gunshots turning to a fist banging on the front door of Jack's house.

_And for whatever it's worth, I am on your side  
There's no denying the mess that I got us in_

When Jack opened the door, Daniel stood there, breath forming a messy halo of mist around his head. Jack stood stiffly, not speaking but noting that while Daniel's eyes looked as tired as they had before, his face was twisting through expressions as he searched for words.

_And I've been trying my best not to make a scene  
Just can't make a sense of it all, it's like my mind is gone_

Daniel made it through three false starts -- apologizing for showing up at Jack's house in the middle of the night, then confessing his feelings, then belittling said feelings and himself -- before Jack grabbed him by the throat of his jacket, pulling him across the doorway to kiss him brusquely.

Daniel shoved Jack away, growling something about pity and shame but Jack just gripped the hair at the back of his head and crushed them into a second kiss, locking his other arm around Daniel's waist, cold canvas jacket sending a shudder through him as he pulled them chest to chest. The archeologist's mind reeled at the hard line of Jack's arm, the electric curve of their tongues touching, the dizzying rush of a thousand puzzle pieces clicking firmly into place as they stumbled in out of the cold.


End file.
